i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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