I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
don't judge my taste in strippers
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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