pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
