I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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