I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
