My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
