you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
