when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
