and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
