your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
