I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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