He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
