dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
