So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
