My first STD was from a foam party
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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