I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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