I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
