wrigley field is MILF paradise
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
