Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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