kristin has been a bad kristin
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
