I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
