I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
