He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
