Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
There's always time for handjobs
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
