im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
