I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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