he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
