I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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