My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize