ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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