i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
