Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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