we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
