Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
