i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
