i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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