Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
