im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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