boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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