I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
