yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
