I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
