he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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