Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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