hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
