Don't you send me to vm
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
