Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Drunk is a universal language darling
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
