I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
