The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
