I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
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