when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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