then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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