I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
