I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
