I puked a lego.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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