I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
His nipple licking is glorious
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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