ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
