You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Randomize