No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
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College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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