Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
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